You know, I don’t even know what to write today. I’m so fucking PISSED OFF that this even happened, I can’t see straight.
They were children. Small, tiny children thinking about how school was going to let out for winter break and what Santa was going to bring them and if Aunt Jo was going to pinch their cheeks again because they really hated that. And now they are dead. 20 little children, gunned down today. In a school.
A 20 year old man ( and I use that word very loosely, I prefer psycho bag of dogshit) walks into a school with a semiautomatic assault rifle…a fucking COMBAT RIFLE, Jesus, where his mother was a teacher and, oh my GOD, shoots over a 100 rounds (NO NO NO NO NO!!) kills a bunch of children. And some other staff members.
I mean I just don’t know what the hell the world is coming to. School shootings are horrible. I live in a town that had one many years ago. Before Columbine. In Tennessee. But this is just unfuckingbelievable. Almost like it’s not real and maybe it didn’t happen. Maybe some son of fucking Satan didn’t walk into a school and change the world as all those folks knew it. Maybe that piece of shit didn’t just kill some people’s sons and daughters. Tiny sons and daughters. Little children (I just cannot wrap my head around that, I just can’t). Or someone’s husband or wife.
And he didn’t just ruin their lives, he ruined the lives of every child in that school along with every adult in that school. Those people will never forget that. Those children will know forever that they are survivors. The nightmares they will suffer…they will go on for a long time. Maybe forever.
It shouldn’t have been so easy on him. He shouldn’t already be dead. He should be made to suffer. For as long as possible. Preferably his forever. I would help. Yes, I would. If that makes me a bad person, I’m not going to apologize for that. I’m angry right now. I’m angry that these parents will not have their children, not just for the holidays, but forever. I’m angry that the staff members families will not have them, the husbands and wives and sons and daughters and moms and dads. I feel helpless. And that makes me pissed off as well. I want it to go away, to not have happened.
My son is 20 years old and as soon as I walked in tonight, he didn’t say his usual “hey Mom” or even a sullen silence, which I’ve been getting since we’ve been fighting over his stupidity. He said:
“Mom, did you see the news??”
“I did, M, I saw it”
“Mom, I don’t understand, those were kids. Little kids”
And all I could tell my 20 year old son, as I cried, was that “Neither did I, M, neither did I”